Wednesday, March 25, 2009

All out MeltDown in Walmart

And it wasn't even me this time. Usually Walmart makes me want to hurl but this time it was ALL 3 of my kids. Should have known. My kids just don't do well in stores like Walmart. They are either all WANTY...I want this mommy, I want that, mommy or they are playing cops and robbers in the aisles. Some shoppers give me those understanding eyes while others stare me down like I'm evil incarnate. How dare I run to Walmart for 10 items while dragging 3 kids in tow. Almost none of them have had 3 kids in 25 months so their stares roll off my back.

The screaming that ensues from my 2 year old does not pass through me as easily. After 15 minutes in the store, we get to the check out line. Of course every line is occupied with carts that are more full than mine. As we're waiting for seemingly EVER, Boy Wondertwin decided he HAS to go to that bathroom in the emergency pee-pee dance kind of way. Ugh. Seriously? I have a cart full of groceries that are almost ready to be unloaded, 2 other kids to keep track of and he has to go to the bathroom. Grr.

I make the kids stand in the line with a cashier watching while I escort BWT to the bathroom. I take a peek inside to make sure nothing inappropriate is happening in the restroom and I send him in alone. I then rush back in line to unload groceries onto the conveyor belt while trying to keep and eye on my other two with another eye on the bathroom door, waiting for BWT to make his exit.

Just as BWT comes out of the bathroom, I'm yelling (ACROSS WALMART, MIND YOU) for BWT to come to our line. Other shoppers begin to join in on my call. Finally after a chorus singing his name, he sees me and runs back to our cart. Just as he returns, Little Dude decides to bust out a complete and utter meltdown because he wasn't able to reach the groceries to put them on the converyor belt. As his screaming continued, he found the shredded cheese that had fallen to the floor. He proceeds to pick up the cheese like a running back picks up a fumble and he busts it away from the cashier and past 8 other cashier lanes toward the book section. He's now at least a half football field away and his older brother is chasing him. Of course this makes him run farther and faster.

I peek out of line to see the disruption just in time to see a jar of sweet potatoes crash to the floor, smearing all over the place. BWT knows he's in trouble at this point but Little Dude is not that quick. He's still running til he realizes that his brother is no longer chasing him. Now, we not only have the chorus watching but many other onlookers as well. We were quite the entertainment as I'm pushing a cart and carrying Little Dude by anything I can grab, just to get out of Walmart. He is wailing and I'd be surprised if someone didn't alert the authorities because somehow, this all has to be Mom's fault. It always is, right? Hope some older mom got their kicks watching me flail while she fondly remembers "those days". At least no one said anything to me. You know they knew better at this point and you can bet that these little people got what was due to them when we got in the car.

Girl Wondertwin just sat back and watched this all unfold, while begging for some princess gum. Who says girls are harder to raise? These boys are trying to kill me.


  1. I'm not the only one? And I only have one. Am I really crazy to give him a sibling?

  2. Oh, God bless you! I am laughing out loud, so hard I'm crying. It's about to go into ungly uncontrollable cry. This sort of thing happens to me and I feel like the worst mom, biggest freak show, etc. And you always seem so patient and like you have it under control -- I am SO GLAD to know this is universal.

    Laughing so hard. I'm so sorry! Oh, thank yoU!

  3. What do you mean? Are you trying to tell me that sometimes when you go to the store it isn't like that?

    Oh jeez. Great. I was pretty accepting of the circumstances when I thought we were normal, but now? Now I am going to start thinking that all the dirty looks have nothing to do with the Jack Daniels tees I've been wearing with my maternity shorts.

  4. Viv, ha! No, I'm saying that we don't GO to the EVER. I really try to go like once a month with kids. It's just sickening. I have myself convinced that if I was a good mom, my kids would not be NIGHTMARES in these big stores. So instead of facing reality, we just don't go IN! Today though we had NO BREAD and NO BUTTER. That made me feel like a worse mom than their behavior in the store. We just can't win, can we?
    And Jen, you can stop laughing now. =)
    I try to pretend my life isn't like the above but we all know it is. That's why my blog is "anonymous"! =)