Sometimes there are those moms who just put you under the pile. You know the kind. My best friend is one of those. She had 3 kids in 39 months and you'd never know it. She could raise 3 kids with her hands tied behind her back and blind folded. She's just one of those super moms. It wasn't until she had babies #4 and #5 (twins!!!) that she started to act like the rest of the maternal people I know. She's just that good. Maybe God gave her the twins so she could finally struggle like the rest of us.
I think I've commented here before about the twinge of bitterness (um strong word...read slight envy) when I see a mom with one baby in hand. I never had that since I had twins first. I have no idea what it's like to coddle and love one child...to be able to meet their every need. To feed them when they're hungry and change them when they're wet. I remember pumping on one side, feeding a baby on the other and rocking the other twin with my foot in a bouncy seat on the floor, never being able to give to each as they needed. (read tons of maternal guilt here).
In honor of Mother's Day, there are posts galore on Facebook thanking mom or thanking God for the mom they have become. One mom wrote this:
Being a Mom is the coolest job I have ever had! Although B is not a job, he is a joy.
Call me sensitive but when I see a post like this it hits me in the gut. I don't know if it's that infamous maternal guilt or if it's having too many children too close together but joy is not how I would describe motherhood. Could it be that her son is only 8 months old and so he's still a joy?
Don't get me wrong. I love love love my kids and have chosen to be home with them but they are my job. They are my responsibility to raise and groom to adulthood. There are (many) moments of joy, of course but motherhood for me is not "joy". It's responsibility, one that I take very seriously.
Maybe I'm approaching this all wrong. Maybe I should be joyful like this new mom of an 8 month old. Really though, is cleaning out a poopy spidy undy really joyful? Or breaking up the 85th fight of the day joyful? Or stepping on a freakin' Star Wars character in the middle of the night (on the way to the bathroom) joyful? Or, as occurred today, standing in a crazy tornado like wind in 50 degree weather to watch 3 soccer games (at the same time, on different fields) joyful? Note: I could go on and on here.
It's work people. Work. I wouldn't trade it for the world but it's work...and it's work that is pleasing to God in a way that no other work I do could be. On this Mother's Day Eve, I'm triplely (is that a word? not according to spell check) blessed to have such a stewardship entrusted to me and for that, I'm truly joyful.
i wish we could not feel the guilt, because the women who are all 'blessings' this and that are just talking about particular moments, not the whole deal... but i/we all still feel the guilt that the whole thing wasn't/isn't easy almost all the time... glbahagh. blessings they may be, but they are not easy and they are not simple, and sometimes the blessings are the biggest challenges in life.
ReplyDeleteHey I only have one and I do think it's a lot of work. And while you see it as "never being able to meet their every need" I see it as "constantly having to meet their every need AND being their only playmate"
ReplyDeleteI think you are right Tanya. My nephew is an only child and there are stresses there that I can't relate to. My sil feels a lot of guilt that she can't give him a sibling or meet his needs in a way that only a sibling could so I get that...I just never lived it.
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