The thing I've looked forward to for the past 6.5 years is finally being realized. I'm getting a small taste of what it is to be alone. I thought it was just an imaginary thing or maybe something that just the lucky few got to experience. Well, folks, it's happening to me. 12 hours per week I'm free to come and go as I please. I can clean or not. I can shop or not. I can work (uninterrupted) for long hours or grab a cup of coffee. I'm the master of my own destiny. Okay, so that's taking it a little far but really, I'm alone. And I'm enjoying.
Immensely.
Amazing that one could forget the feeling of alone. Not loneliness, mind you. Just alone.
Fear has struck though in the midst of being alone. In 11 months I will be alone for 7 straight hours a day. No one to take to Library Story Time. No one to interrupt my shopping trip with an emergency stop in the bathroom. No nasty poop in the shoes to clean up. All the sweet times that I've enjoyed with my trio over the years are coming to an end. Now I'm...emotional.
I couldn't wait for the twins to go to first grade and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. Little Dude and I are living it up. I've already earned a free Menchies Yogurt...that means we've been there 9 times since school started. 9 times.
Yesterday I watched a 40 some year old woman walk out of Menchies with a huge yogurt in hand...alone. That's going to be me. Feeding my Menchies addiction all by myself. I'm going to miss my little buddy. You're wondering why I'm freaking about this in September...a full 11 months before Little Dude goes to Kindergarten. Well I just found out that our district will be installing Full Day Kindergarten in the Fall of 2011 and I was counting on half day. Not sure how I feel about it all yet. I know Full Day will be good for Little Dude. I think he needs it but amazingly I'm going to miss the little guy. A lot.
Oh KP, these same feelings are so close to the surface for me that I was crying by paragraph 2. I just wanted a little break -- some time to take a poop by myself or just some time to hear myself think -- but now by big 3 are gone all day, and Haney's gone 4 hours a week, and it struck me how fast it just flew by. That chapter -- the most time I was ever going to have with them -- is gone. And I spent it wishing for just a little bit of quiet.
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